Life is a wave, catch it, surf it!

Recently I have been spent some time watching the surfers in their efforts to catch that illusive wave, the special wave that is going to give them the ride of their life.

I see them all milling about on the ocean, lying face down on their boards, bobbing about keeping a careful eye out for that perfect wave, whilst keeping watch on the actions of all the other surfers waiting for that same wave. 

Sometimes the wave is spotted quite a distance off, the right speed, height and just the right amount of curl.  The surfers tend to glance at each other, and for a millisecond there is almost a standoff. Occasionally the standoff lasts too long and the wave is gone, lost in time.  However generally a couple of surfers will make the break and paddle casually toward the wave.  They will line up just ahead of the wave and as it gets really close, they paddle like crazy to keep just ahead of the wave and in the sweet spot. 

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I have watched dozens of surfers doing this frantic paddling and I would say that in 7 times out of 10, they get overtaken by the wave and again, it is gone.  This time the opportunity was taken by a couple of people, yet they just didn’t manage to pull it off.

In two out of the remaining three times they manage to catch the wave and get onto their knees, stand and just as they think they have nailed it, they lose balance and fall into the frothy waters.

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In the last case, that one in ten moment, something quite magical happens.  The surfer manages to see the wave coming early, they put in the effort to get into position, they do that paddle like hell thing and at the crest of the wave, they kneel up onto their board, then stand!

They flex at the knees and ride the wave, sometimes along it, sometimes going with it.  It looks amazing and I am sure feels even greater.

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For all the missed waves and those that didn’t quite come off, it never stops the surfers getting on their boards day in, day out.  They are focused, they have the right attitude, they always give it 100%.

As I sit there watching the surfers, I wonder.  Just how many people in life have missed their waves, gave up after the first try, or made little or no effort.

If you want to catch your wave in life, get in touch and together we will make whatever it happen! 

FED UP WITH SETTING GOALS OR MAKING DECISIONS THAT BACKFIRE?

We have all got some really good ideas about what we should aim for in life (whether at work, socially or at home). If you are anything like me then you will most likely have been caught unaware by the side effects of achieving your goals or doing one thing rather than another. Being surprised by the knock on effect of realising a particular goal is caused by not checking the ecology of that goal.

The good news is that you can check the ecology of a goal by following the instructions in this 60 second video. Just think, no more hidden surprises for the sake of watching a 60 second video. This also applies to making decisions, or doing one thing versus another. #Goals #decisionmaking #NLP #success

Just how conscious are you?

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I wonder just how silly a question it really is? Why?  because we actually spend a lot of our time unconscious and by this I mean running on auto pilot. You know that feeling when you have driven somewhere, to work perhaps and when you get there, you think 'hold on, how did I get here'. Maybe you can't remember the roundabout or what colour car you were following. To some extent you will probably have been on autopilot for some, or even all of the time. This, autopilot mode, also happens when you are reading a book and find yourself five pages further into the book without really remembering what happened.

This process of autopilot is really useful because without it, just how much harder would the process of driving a car be.Imagine if driving today was just like when you first started. Awful right?  Even walking would be way less easy.  It would be difficult remembering which muscles to consciously fire to get us to move our legs and feet so that we could walk.

Whilst there are great things about this autopilot mode there are also some less great things.  The autopilot will accept any programs you give it, driving, walking,and this includes our bad habits.

What I want to focus on right now though is the fact that, if we let the autopilot run in an unchecked manner we end up reacting to things happening around us in a knee jerk manner.  Literally just like in the automated muscle response when your knee is hit by that little hammer at the Dr’s surgery or hospital.

When we run in autopilot mode we tend to react automatically and not always the way we would prefer.  Animals live life this way more or less all of the time.  Event happens, animal reacts.  This is where we differ.  We can take time to think how we want to react.

Creating the gap for us to react in a way of our choosing rather than an automated response is achieved through becoming more aware during the autopilot being in operation.

To achieve this awareness, start of with this simple exercise.  When you are doing something on autopilot, perhaps brushing your teeth or doing the washing up, start to think consciously.  What are you feeling in your hands, how do your feet feel against the floor, your clothes against your skin.  Is the air temperature cooler than you or warmer.  Start to think consciously about what you are doing.  After doing this for a while you will learn how to become conscious on demand.

Take this new level of awareness into the work place.  You will be amazed just how much is going on that you were not aware of before. You will also find that if you switch on your awareness at the right times, it will reduce your knee jerk reactions.

It's OK to say no. Here is how and why it's actually good for you

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Saying no is something that we find less easy to do.  However, if we are to feel good about ourselves in the long run we need to be able to say no when we already have too much going on.

Whether you are juggling home with work or keeping a home and looking after children, there are is always something to be done. There is almost certainly at least another dozen things waiting to go on to the to do list. This is often the time when someone asks a favour of you. Right?

Well, what do you do? I mean, you wouldnt't want to upset that someone or make their life harder by not helping, would you?

This is how many of us think. We think we would be "a bad person" if we said no. I know that there was I time that I did. It was not a good place to be, stuck between taking on yet another thing to do or being a bad person.

The truth is, that it does not have to be that way and here is one way to rethink this situation:

First off, you are saying no to the task rather than the person. You are also saying yes to all the things that you want to get done for yourself and others. If you were to take that new task on, what would fall off the to do list to fit it in? 

Secondly, spend some time to brainstorm where alternative help could be found for the person seeking your assistance. You may not be able to do the task yourself but you may know someone who can, or a different way that the other person can get it done.

Lastly, you are going to prevent any resentment from building up. You are helping keep the relationship with that person healthy. All to often we do things and do so with a grumble. This builds up over time and can lead to a blow out over the most silly of things.

This advice works just as well in the workplaces as it does, socially or at home.

Mind your language and seal the deal!

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Have you ever had a client that you thought, 'this deal is as good as done', only to find that it falls through? Do you ever wonder why people choose to buy from someone else, even though you know your product is better quality and value? If this is you, then you may need to mind your language!

Unless our clients and customers are buying our services over the internet or via mail order, then the truth is that people buy from people! So, if you want to sell more and have people feel fantastic about buying from you, keep reading.

We all have really good products and services to offer our customers and are very proud of what we do. Having confidence in our wares is critical to success, however, the things that we see as most important about our goods may not be the ones that our customer feel are important. This is the first thing that we need to make sure is aligned with our customer. Make sure your subject matter is sound.

When you are talking about what a good price your service or product is, you may well be switching off your customer who is more interested in the longevity or after sales support that is available. If this is the case, you are speaking in numbers and they are speaking in benefits. All of the time you are talking about money, they are not hearing the things they want to hear. It is critical to make sure you are speaking the same language.

Secondly, although there is a lot more to it than I can go into in one article, is the actual style of language that you use when dealing with clients. We all have a preferred style of communication. In some people there will be a strong preference and in others there will be a more balance in the styles. The important thing to remember is, that we like people that we are alike. This is instinctive and stems from when we lived in close tribes. Those that are in our tribe are alike us, we can trust them, rely on them, we like them.

Make sure that when you are speaking to a prospective client or customer that you speak using a style that is comfortable to them. Combine your language and subject matter to match your client and they will feel more at ease with you. Not only are they more likely to buy from you, they are going to feel good about doing so.

The beauty of this is that you can apply these principles during job interviews, meetings and any other time you wish to influence others or have your message conveyed in a sound, feel good, precise and clear manner.

If you want to find out more about gaining rapport with people and learn how to detect their language styles get in touch with me here or call 0191 406 5343. I look forward to hearing from you.

You are already rich, aren't you?

I know that you are wondering.  What do you mean, I am aready rich? 

Lets assume for one minute that you won the lottery.  Now you have all the money you could want.  Would you......?

  • Stop loving your family
  • Change your partner
  • Like foods you never liked before
  • Laugh at things you never thought were funny

You already have an abundance of wealth in your life already.  Sometimes we just need to take time to count our blessings instead of our cash.

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Who is driving your bus?

Are you a passenger in your own life or are you in charge of your own outcomes?  This is an interesting question...

I have worked with many people who are quick to blame other people or circumstances for things not going their way.  Whilst things do happen that are beyond our control, there is an inherent danger with placing blame outside of ourselves.  That danger is, that we give away our personal power to do anything to influence our outcomes.  We become a passenger in our own lives, we go where the bus of life takes us.  Accepting responsibility allows us to take back the power to change and achieve our goals.  Make sure you are driving your own bus. Make sure you arrive at the destination you chose! #nlp #success #goal

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More to you than just MBTI

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I know that you may be wondering, and it is ok to wonder. What is this guy on about? MBTI? Well it stands for Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. It is a self reporting questionnaire that gives an indication of the personality traits of the individual completing it. Once completed you will get an idea about four areas of your personality. FOUR? Surely we are more than a combination of four different personality trait combinations? Well, we are. So much of a person's personality, motivators, drivers and traits are missed out. This is surprising, seeing as MBTI is so heavily relied up within business and the corporate world. MBTI covers less than 20% of a person's meta programs (the drivers behind what we do and do not do.

If you were to, study NLP, at the Master Practitioner level you would discover that there are 23 meta programs that influence what we do and why we do it.

One of the most useful meta-programs that I find when working with colleague clashes (or failures to communicate properly) in the work place are the meta programs of speaking and listening styles. Some people communicate inferentially and others listen and speak in a literal sense. This can cause friction when an inferential speaker is asking for help from a literal listener. The problem is that the person who is inferential may well not be asking in a direct manner and so the literal listener does not pick up on it. This situation can lead to misunderstandings and workplace tension.

So next time you feel a little frustration or confusion in the air, just check to see whether you are a literal communicator talking to a inferential communicator.

If you are interested in finding out more about you or your team's meta-programs get in touch.

I am an Internationally accredited Trainer of NLP with the American Board of NLP and a lot more than just INSP.

 

Reasons or Results

This time of year I get asked this a lot.  "Marcus, how come you have the success you do?"

Well the first thing that allows me to succeed is that I accept that I am responsible and response able for all that I do or not do.  Really? Wow, that sounds really unhelfpul Marcus, thanks for that...

Wait a minute before you disappear off somewhere else.  Accepting that I am responsible for my wins and losses in life actually empowers me to be more successful.  In years gone by I would find reasons and excuses to justify when things didn't go well.  Whilst this was great to deflect responsibility it meant that I never changed.  I would keep doing the same thing time and time again and get the same results time and time again.  Time and time again I would point out all the reasons that I did not succeed. 

The reality was that each time I found an excuse or reason, I was giving away my personal power to do anything about it I was also missing out on valuable learnings.  This was not helpful.   So, I accepted that I was responsible for what happened to me and my results.  After all, we are who and where we are today, due to the sum total of our own conscious and unconscious decisions.  Accepting responsibility allowed me to reclaim the power that I had been giving away to others or circumstances.  With this power I was able to take the learning that I needed and then change my behaviour.  I became response-able.  I became successful.

In short, I am successful because I am no longer a cork bobbing about on the seas of life at the mercy of the weather and currents.  I am now the captain of my own luxury yaucht, taking in all the information available before charting my course.  If things do not go to plan, I change my behaviours and plan to take account of the new information.

Make 2018 the year you learn to be the captain of your own ship.  Get in touch for a free discovery session today.

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Body Confidence

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If I had a pound for each time that a client came to me with a lack of confidence in their own body, I would be a rich person. 

What would life be like if you were happy with how you looked?   How great would you feel if you didn't have that voice of self doubt over your appearance?  I can help you with this and to start you off I will give you first three things I tell a client with body confidence issues.

  1. Stop comparing yourself to the perfect images that you see on Instagram, Facebook, Glamour Magazine etc.  The reality is that these images have had filters applied to them, or even been airbrushed to hide the imperfections.  By comparing yourself to a false image of perfection you are conning yourself into believing you are not good enough.  The reality is that the people you are seeing in these images very rarely resemble the finished image. 
  2. You are your own worst critic, and other people are too busy criticising themselves to be worried about how you look today. 
  3. How we look is not as important as the person you are.  By this, I mean that whilst it is important to make the best of what we have in terms of looks, it is much more important to be the best person you can be.  For example.  Did you choose your best friend because they were the best looking person you know?  Unlikely.  Did you choose your best friend because of the fact they made you laugh, have similar interests and you could trust them?  Probably.

I have helped so many people realise that they are fine, just the way they are.  Is it not time that you chose not to spend time worrying about how you look and spend that time enjoying the person you are?

Get in touch for a free consultation.  I don't have many space left this week so get in touch soon.

Live life in the now.

A confident person understands that we live in the now. What does this mean?

The past is exactly that, it has gone and should not be allowed to negatively impact upon the present. It is only right that we learn from the past and take any positive learning to help us later on. However it is important not to dwell on the past and beat ourselves up. This can lower our confidence levels and self belief.

Another aspect of living in the now is that we do not worry about tomorrow. By all means plan ahead and prepare. Once you have done this, all you can do is focus on the now and wait for tomorrow to come. To worry about what might happen tomorrow is unhealthy and can lead you to question your actions before you have even taken any. This undermines your confidence and self belief.

Living in the now means that you learn from the past and prepare for the future. Do not dwell on the past or worry about things that have not happened yet.

Confident people understand the past has gone and the future has not arrived yet. They learn what they need to learn and prepare as best they can for tomorrow.